Why Do Guys Disappear

A lot of women ask why guys disappear and then come back.

Alternatively, they ask, “Why do guys act interested and then disappear?”

Whichever question you’re asking, you’re not alone.

It’s one of the great mysteries of dating and relationships and rarely will you discover the real answer to your question.

Sometimes it has to do with the guy himself. Other times it has to do with you.

It usually starts out like this:

A guy shows interest in you.

You may or may not be interested in him.

But he persists.

You start paying more attention to him.

Eventually, he gets up the courage to ask you out and you say, “Yes.”

You go on a date and it’s fabulous.

There’s a spark. There’s chemistry. You’re feeling it.

You both have lots to talk about.

You like him.

He’s hot.

He’s funny.

He’s got charisma.

He seems to be really into you.

He texts.

He calls.

He pays lots of attention to you.

You feel special when you’re around him.

You feel like you’re his priority.

He talks about a future with you (huge red flag because while he may do that, he’s only making talk not being serious).

Worse still, you think you might be falling for him.

You’re starting to think, this could be The One.

All of the signs are pointing to a relationship and beyond – which is what you’re looking for.After all, you’ve dated enough losers and deadbeats in the past.

Now it’s time to find a quality guy to settle down with and you think this guy is The One.

Then things start to unravel.

He’s not as attentive as he used to be.

He doesn’t text as much.

He makes excuses why he can’t see you.

Things start tapering off in the relationship – if things have gotten to that point.

Eventually, he disappears.

He doesn’t answer your texts.

He doesn’t answer his phone.

He doesn’t respond to your messages.

You finally realize he’s ghosted on you and that it’s over.

It leaves you disappointed and heart broken.

Even if he and you had arguments you still loved him.

You start to question what went wrong.

You start to question whether it was something you did.

There are different scenarios with why a guy disappears – commonly known as “ghosting.”

Guys can disappear after the first date, after several dates, or even when you’re in a relationship.

1. He might disappear after dating you for a while.

This is fairly common.

And usually it’s because he’s discovered that he and you aren’t meant for each other.

There might not be that sizzling hot chemistry that was there at first.

You and he might not be compatible.

He might be a player who grows bored and starts looking for other women.

He might be a commitmentphobe who is starting to feel pressured to make a greater commitment and decides it’s time to break up.

2. He might disappear before you’re in a committed relationship.

You’ve been casually dating for a while but there’s no commitment to get into a relationship.

3. He might disappear after you’ve been seeing each other for a while and you’re in a relationship.

The relationship might have gotten stale and boring.

The sex gets boring.

You know each other well enough now.

There might be things about you he doesn’t like.

In any case, he feels that things aren’t working out and breaks up with you.

4. He might disappear after you’ve been on just one or two dates and it seemed like things are going to progress to something more serious.

Sometimes you’ll go on a date with a guy and he’ll talk about the “future” with you. It doesn’t mean he’s envisioning a future with YOU specifically, it just means he’s envisioning a future with someone.

While it’s nice to hear, don’t get swept up in this future planning. It’s meaningless in the early stages of dating and in the early stages of a relationship.

Some of it is bravado. Some of it is thinking out loud. Some of it is dreaming on his part. He’s not serious and is caught up in the moment and with his attraction to, and interest in, you.

One thing to keep in mind is that the reason a man disappears might have nothing to do with you.

It might have everything to do with him.

For example, he might feel inadequate around you. He might feel that he’s not man enough for you and that you overshadow him.

He might be looking for someone who is more feminine. Alternatively, he might be a beta male who wants a take charge woman who shows her masculine side more than her feminine side.

Here are 12 reasons why a guy disappears:

1. He Doesn’t Think You’re Interested In Him

Some guys just don’t get a woman’s signals that she’s interested.

2. He Doesn’t Feel The Attraction Or Chemistry

This happens a lot with online dating.

He looks good on paper so you strike up a conversation with him.

Things go back and forth and you feel you’re falling for him even if you’ve never met him yet.

Then when you do meet you realize there’s no spark.

3. He Gets Scared

Some guys get scared when they think their freedom is at risk or the commitment is greater than they can handle – especially if they feel overwhelmed.

If he feels pressured to see you all the time or you have “the talk” with him to see where things are going he could very well disappear because he thinks you’re getting “too serious.”

Other times, the relationship moves way too fast. So fast that when he stops to think about it, it seems like a “commitment” to him and he’s not ready for that.

He’s just not on the same page as you are. You want more from him, he’s just getting used to having someone in his life.

The best thing to do when things seem to move too fast is to slow down the pace.

4. He’s A Player, Bad Boy, or Commitmentphobe

The player and bad boy are in it for fun and a good time.

So once the newness of the relationship wears off they’re looking around for someone else.

The commitmentphobe on the other hand is scared. He’s happy with the way things are and doesn’t want things to change. He won’t commit any further and when he feels the pressure of a greater commitment, he’ll run the other way.

5. He’s Not Available

Some guys aren’t available emotionally. They’re still getting over an ex or they’re just not ready for a relationship – especially if they’ve just broken up with someone or just gone through a divorce.

6. He’s Lazy

He doesn’t want to put the effort into dating or a relationship.

At the time it seemed like a good idea but he soon gets immersed in his own life and you’re no longer on his mind.

7. He Has Unrealistic Expectations

Some men are very or too picky, to the point that their “must have” list is so extensive that no woman can meet their unrealistic expectations.

This is the type of man you should avoid anyway because you’d never be able to live up to his expectations.

8. He May Feel You Don’t Have Time For Him Or You’re Putting Him Off

It’s not that he’s looking for an excuse. But if he senses or feels that you don’t have time for him or that you’re playing games or making it hard for him to get to know you, he’ll disappear.

9. You Didn’t Have Sex With Him

It’s no secret that guys want sex. That’s one of their key motivations for being in a relationship. A guy who is genuinely interested in you and wants to be in a relationship with you will wait for sex until you’re ready.

Some guys want sex too soon. In fact, that’s their main motivation for showing interest. It has nothing to do with having a relationship. It’s all physical.

If they don’t get sex, they move on – which is best for you if you’re looking for a committed relationship.

10. Something Isn’t Right In The Relationship

Maybe the relationship isn’t what he expected. Maybe he feels restricted by having a girlfriend. He can’t go out and have fun with his buddies like he used to.

Maybe the sex isn’t stellar.

Maybe he’s having sexual problems or he feels inadequate for some reason.

Maybe you’re just not compatible, you disagree and fight a lot, the infatuation you had with each other as you were getting to know each other has disappeared and reality about each other sets in – and you don’t like what you see in your partner.

11. You Have A Sexually Transmitted Disease

Some STDs are common including herpes. If your date or potential boyfriend is disease free then he may not want to get involved with someone who has an STD.

He might be polite and say he wants to see you again but after thinking about it some more he might not contact you again.

12. You’re In A Long Distance Relationship

Long distance relationships are difficult to begin with. You and your boyfriend live separate lives most of the time and usually don’t see each other that often.

In a long distance relationship, it’s easier to disappear simply by no longer staying in touch because long distance relationships aren’t easy to maintain at the best of times.

When a guy disappears there’s a reason. It may or may not have anything to do with you. And it may be for a reason that is valid to him but seems silly to you.

One thing to remember is that a guy won’t always tell you the reason why he disappears. He will just vanish without any explanation because a guy doesn’t like arguments and drama.

Chances are you’ll never know why men disappear on you. The thing to remember though is that it may have nothing to do with you at all. It’s unrealistic to put the burden on yourself and ask what you did wrong. Truth is, you might not have done anything wrong at all.

You may be the perfect date or the perfect girlfriend but he’s either not mature enough or ready for what you offer in a relationship.

Most of the time you just have to accept that he’s vanished and move on.

The only reason you question why he disappeared is because you’re into him and you’re hoping for something more – whether it’s a committed relationship or even marriage.

You’re going to experience guys disappearing in your dating life. It’s one of those things that happen with dating. And it will almost certainly happen until you find the right guy for you. Because the right guy will stick around and get to know you and see where the relationship ends up.

The 12 reasons I’ve outlined above are just the tip of the iceberg. While it can help to know the reason why a man has disappeared, it’s not always possible to know the real reason.

In the Girl Gets Great Guy System I cover the top 11 reasons why a guy disappears including what women do wrong that cause men to disappear and 30 specific “Guy Reasons” why a man decides to disappear that have everything to do with him and nothing to do with you.

When a man ghosts or disappears it doesn’t mean he’s inherently a bad person. Sometimes that’s just how men are and it’s difficult to understand them and their actions. It can be confusing and frustrating for you.

Try not to let the fact that a guy disappeared on you affect your dating. There’s nothing wrong protecting your heart until you’re reasonably sure you’ll be in a relationship but it doesn’t mean you close off your heart to all men because of a few who decide to disappear. Those men aren’t relationship ready for one reason or another.

Keep in mind that if he disappears he may be doing you a favor. It gives you the opportunity to concentrate on finding a man who’s right for you.

If a guy has disappeared or ghosted on you, you might be a little hesitant to take another risk.

Things to do:

1. Know Your Must-Haves or Non-Negotiables

Your must-haves or non-negotiables are those things you definitely want in a relationship and that will make you happy in a relationship.

They’re not superficial like the color of a guy’s hair or how tall he is. Instead they include things like compatibility, values, morals, character, and personality.

2. Be More Selective

When you know your must-haves and non-negotiables you’re more likely to choose a guy who’s seriously interested in a relationship.

You’ll be able to more quickly eliminate men who are looking for “fun” or who aren’t available.

3. Date More Than One Man

Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket. Instead, date more than one man so that if he chooses to disappear, you’ve got other men in your dating queue.

This minimizes the heart ache when someone disappears.

The thing to keep in mind, as I’ve said in the Girl Gets Great Guy System, is that when a man wants to be in a relationship or he wants to be with you he won’t disappear.

He may pull back for a while but in the long run he will want you in his life because he doesn’t want to lose you and he can’t live without you.

How To Tell He Might Stick Around

There are no absolutes and there’s never any guarantee that a man won’t disappear even if you’re in a relationship.

There are some subtle signs that he might stick around. As you’ve already guessed, I say “might” because there are no guarantees in dating and relationships.

You could find someone and be in a relationship. He could tell you how attracted he is to you. He could tell you that you’re the whole package – bright, ambitious, beautiful, sexy. Even so, he could still eventually break up with you.

Here are two indications that a man might be serious about a long term relationship and a more serious commitment:

1. Consistency

He’s consistent in the things he does. He contacts you. He spends time with you. He doesn’t disappear for a week or two and then reappear.

2. He Gets Involved In Your Life

A guy who is interested in you will want to spend time with you. He will want to eventually meet your friends and family and even work colleagues.

Most importantly, though, he will want to be a big part of your life. You will be his priority, not an afterthought.

Why a guy ghosts on you or disappears on you is only the tip of the iceberg because there’s a lot more to knowing and understanding men.

If men are ghosting or disappearing on you, it very likely means you need to update and improve your dating skills.

Many of the “skills” you acquired when you were a teenager no longer apply today.

Dating has changed a lot since high school and college or university.

You’re mature. You’re independent. You’re raising – or you’ve raised – your family and the kids have flown the nest.

It’s your time now.

It’s your time to find the love of your life…your soulmate.

The man who will love, cherish, and adore you.

The man you will spend the rest of your life with.

Most of the men you come in contact with today are divorced. Many have children. Some will be single dads. Others will share custody.

Now you have to sift through men who are deadbeats, losers, commitmentphobes, players, scammers, and just plain unavailable.

While there are no guarantees in dating or relationships, there are new tools and skills you can learn to reduce the risk of a guy ghosting or disappearing on you…and having your hopes dashed and heart broken…again.

The Girl Gets Great Guy System will show you those little-known techniques and skills to help you find your Mr. Right. Take a moment to check it out right now.

Here’s the link again for the Girl Gets Great Guy System that shows you little-known techniques and skills to help you find your Mr. Right. 

About Dating Advice For Women - Blaine Barrington

Blaine Barrington is a Dating and Relationship coach. He's the author of the Girl Gets Great Guy System - the System that cracks the "Guy Code" and shows women how to find their Mr. Right and How To Inspire Your Man To Love, Cherish, Appreciate and Adore You. He's also the author of several Special Reports for women including The 7 Best Places To Find Mr. Right and Dating Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Find The Man Of Their Dreams. Blaine writes dating and relationship articles and provides relationship advice, dating advice for women, and shows women how to meet men.

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