Why Do Guys Disappear

“One of the biggest mysteries for women is why guys disappear and then come back. I’ll explain why men act so interested at first and then disappear.” Blaine Barrington, Dating and Relationship Coach

A lot of women ask, “Why do guys act interested and then disappear?”how to get a boyfriend

You’re not alone in asking this because it’s a common question by many women.

It’s one of the great mysteries of dating and relationships and rarely will you discover the real answer to your question.

Sometimes it has to do with the guy himself. Other times it has to do with you.

I’ve explained some reasons why guys disappear here.

It usually starts out like this:

A guy shows interest in you.

You may or may not be interested in him.

But he persists.

You start paying more attention to him.

Eventually, he gets up the courage to ask you out and you say, “Yes.”

You go on a date and it’s fabulous.

There’s a spark. There’s chemistry. You’re feeling it.

You both have lots to talk about.

You like him.

He’s hot.

He’s funny.

He’s got charisma.

He seems to be really into you.

He texts.

He calls.

He pays lots of attention to you.

You feel special when you’re around him.

You feel like you’re his priority.

He talks about a future with you (huge red flag because while he may do that, he’s only making talk, not being serious).

Worse still, you think you might be falling for him.

You’re starting to think, this could be The One.

All of the signs are pointing to a relationship and beyond – which is what you’re looking for.After all, you’ve dated enough losers and deadbeats in the past.

Now it’s time to find a quality guy to settle down with and you think this guy is The One.

Then things start to unravel.

He’s not as attentive as he used to be.

He doesn’t text as much.

He makes excuses why he can’t see you.

Things start tapering off in the relationship – if things have gotten to that point.

It’s as though he’s fading away.

Eventually, he disappears.

He doesn’t answer your texts.

He doesn’t answer his phone.

He doesn’t respond to your messages.

You finally realize he’s ghosted on you and that it’s over.

It leaves you disappointed and heart broken.

Even if he and you had arguments you still loved him.

You start to question what went wrong.

You start to question whether it was something you did.

There are different scenarios with why a guy disappears – commonly known as “ghosting.”

Guys can disappear after the first date, after several dates, or even when you’re in a relationship.

1. He might disappear after dating you for a while.

This is fairly common.

And usually it’s because he’s discovered that he and you aren’t meant for each other.

There might not be that sizzling hot chemistry that was there at first.

You and he might not be compatible.

He might be a player who grows bored and starts looking for other women.

He might be a commitmentphobe who is starting to feel pressured to make a greater commitment and decides it’s time to break up.

2. He might disappear before you’re in a committed relationship.

You’ve been casually dating for a while but there’s no commitment to get into a relationship.

3. He might disappear after you’ve been seeing each other for a while, things are serious, and you’re in a relationship.

The relationship might have gotten stale and boring.

The sex gets boring.

You know each other well enough now.

There might be things about you he doesn’t like.

In any case, he feels that things aren’t working out and breaks up with you.

4. He might disappear after you’ve been on just one or two dates and it seemed like things are going to progress to something more serious.

Sometimes you’ll go on a date with a guy and he’ll talk about the “future” with you. It doesn’t mean he’s envisioning a future with YOU specifically, it just means he’s envisioning a future with someone.

While it’s nice to hear, don’t get swept up in this future planning. It’s meaningless in the early stages of dating and in the early stages of a relationship.

Some of it is bravado. Some of it is thinking out loud. Some of it is dreaming on his part. He’s not serious and is caught up in the moment and with his attraction to, and interest in, you.

One thing to keep in mind is that the reason a man disappears might have nothing to do with you.

It might have everything to do with him.

For example, he might feel inadequate around you. He might feel that he’s not man enough for you and that you overshadow him.

He might be looking for someone who is more feminine. Alternatively, he might be a beta male who wants a take charge woman who shows her masculine side more than her feminine side.

Here Are 14 Reasons Why A Guy Disappears:

1. He Doesn’t Think You’re Interested In Him

Some guys just don’t get a woman’s signals that she’s interested.

So you have to give him signals that indicate you like him and you like being with him.

If you show your interest by dating him, being available to date him, and being affectionate, he’ll soon get the message you’re interested in him.

2. He Doesn’t Feel The Attraction Or Chemistry

This happens a lot with online dating.

He looks good on paper so you strike up a conversation with him.

Things go back and forth and you feel you’re falling for him even if you’ve never met him yet.

Then when you do meet you realize there’s no spark.

This is a case where he’s just not into you – in other words, there’s no attraction, even if you’re attracted to him.

3. He Gets Scared

Some guys get scared when they think their freedom is at risk or the commitment is greater than they can handle – especially if they feel overwhelmed.

If he feels pressured to see you all the time or you have “the talk” with him to see where things are going he could very well disappear because he thinks you’re getting “too serious.”

Other times, the relationship moves way too fast. So fast that when he stops to think about it, it seems like a “commitment” to him and he’s not ready for that.

He’s just not on the same page as you are. You want more from him, he’s just getting used to having someone in his life.

The best thing to do when things seem to move too fast is to slow down the pace.

4. He’s A Player, Bad Boy, or Commitmentphobe

The player and bad boy are in it for fun and a good time.

So once the newness of the relationship wears off they’re looking around for someone else.

The commitmentphobe on the other hand is scared. He’s happy with the way things are and doesn’t want things to change. He won’t commit any further and when he feels the pressure of a greater commitment, he’ll run the other way.

5. He’s Not Available

Some guys aren’t available emotionally.

They’re still getting over an ex or they’re just not ready for a relationship – especially if they’ve just broken up with someone or have just gone through a divorce.

Dating a newly divorced man or a separated man or a man who has just come out of a relationship can be a risky proposition. Emotionally he’s not ready – he has things to sort out in his life and that takes time. In this case, you could become the “rebound girl” and you’ll have expectations that are unrealistic – you want a relationship, he’s happy with just dating.

Eventually, when he gets his life back together he’ll either break up with you and break your heart or he’ll just disappear.

6. He’s A Lazy Dater

He doesn’t want to put the effort into dating or a relationship.

You become the one who wants to make the relationship work.

When he first met you it seemed like a good idea to get involved with you but he soon gets immersed in his own life and you’re no longer on his mind.

7. He Has Unrealistic Expectations

Some men are very picky or too picky, to the point that their “must have” list is so extensive that no woman can meet their unrealistic expectations.

This is the type of man you should avoid anyway because you’d never be able to live up to his expectations.

8. He May Feel You Don’t Have Time For Him Or You’re Putting Him Off

It’s not that he’s looking for an excuse. But if he senses or feels that you don’t have time for him or that you’re playing games or making it hard for him to get to know you, he’ll disappear.

9. You Didn’t Have Sex With Him

It’s no secret that guys want sex. That’s one of their key motivations for being in a relationship. A guy who is genuinely interested in you and wants to be in a relationship with you will wait for sex until you’re ready.

Some guys want sex too soon. In fact, that’s their main motivation for showing interest. It has nothing to do with having a relationship. It’s all physical.

If they don’t get sex, they move on – which is best for you if you’re looking for a committed relationship.

10. Something Isn’t Right In The Relationship

Maybe the relationship isn’t what he expected. Maybe he feels restricted by having a girlfriend. He can’t go out and have fun with his buddies like he used to.

Maybe the sex isn’t stellar.

Maybe he’s having sexual problems or he feels inadequate for some reason.

Maybe you’re just not compatible, you disagree and fight a lot, the infatuation you had with each other as you were getting to know each other has disappeared and reality about each other sets in – and you don’t like what you see in him or he doesn’t like what he sees in you.

11. You Have A Sexually Transmitted Disease

Some STDs are common including herpes.

If your date or potential boyfriend is disease free then he may not want to get involved with someone who has an STD.

He might be polite and say he wants to see you again but after thinking about it some more he might not contact you again.

12. He’s A Casual Dater

You don’t like to hear it, but he might be dating more than one woman.

If he is dating more than one woman then it means you’re not his one and only or his priority. He’s enjoying dating but he hasn’t made a commitment to one woman – who you thought was you.

Contrary to what some people think, just because a man dates several women and disappears doesn’t mean, in my opinion, he’s a jerk or that he’s stringing you along – unless you’ve asked him whether he’s dating other women and he’s told you he isn’t.

He has a right to date other women unless it’s agreed you’re both in a relationship.

This is where you should be asking the RIGHT questions (which are included in the Girl Gets Great Guy System) to determine where you stand in a “relationship” or whether there is any relationship at all because he might not even think there is a relationship at this point.

This is also where you should be looking for the signs he’s making you a priority or wanting to spend time with you.

13. He’s Confused

For some men being in a relationship can confuse them.

On the one hand they enjoy being in a relationship.

But, on the other hand, they like their freedom.

A man can see a relationship as having to give up his freedom and having to answer to someone.

Being in a relationship has certain expectations and responsibilities and a man might not be ready for them.

He might not be prepared to give up some – or all – of his freedom for the relationship.

So he gets confused on what he should be doing and what his priorities and responsibilities should be. He feels pulled in two different directions and that can become frustrating to him.

As well, he might be getting mixed signals from you – you might like him and like being with him but he doesn’t know that and has to guess how you feel about him.

That confuses him.

If he guesses wrong and thinks you’re not into him, then he’ll decide to disappear because it becomes too much trouble to play the guessing game.

There’s nothing wrong with showing your interest in him and showing affection so he knows he’s not wasting his time.

14. You’re In A Long Distance Relationship

Long distance relationships are difficult to begin with. You and your boyfriend live separate lives most of the time and usually don’t see each other that often.

In a long distance relationship, it’s easier to disappear simply by no longer staying in touch because long distance relationships aren’t easy to maintain at the best of times.

When a guy disappears there’s a reason. It may or may not have anything to do with you. And it may be for a reason that is valid to him but seems silly to you.

One thing to remember is that a guy won’t always tell you the reason why he disappears. He will just vanish without any explanation because a guy doesn’t like arguments and drama.

Chances are you’ll never know why men disappear on you. The thing to remember though is that it may have nothing to do with you at all. It’s unrealistic to put the burden on yourself and ask what you did wrong. Truth is, you might not have done anything wrong at all.

You may be the perfect date or the perfect girlfriend but he’s either not mature enough or ready for what you offer in a relationship.

Most of the time you just have to accept that he’s vanished and move on.

The only reason you question why he disappeared is because you’re into him and you’re hoping for something more – whether it’s a committed relationship or even marriage.

You’re going to experience guys disappearing in your dating life. It’s one of those things that happen with dating.

And it will almost certainly happen until you find the right guy for you. Because the right guy will stick around and get to know you and see where the relationship ends up.

The 12 reasons I’ve outlined above are just the tip of the iceberg. While it can help to know the reason why a man has disappeared, it’s not always possible to know the real reason.

In the Girl Gets Great Guy System I cover the top 11 reasons why a guy disappears including what women do wrong that cause men to disappear and 30 specific “Guy Reasons” why a man decides to disappear that have everything to do with him and nothing to do with you.

When a man ghosts or disappears it doesn’t mean he’s inherently a bad person. Sometimes that’s just how men are and it’s difficult to understand them and their actions. It can be confusing and frustrating for you.

Try not to let the fact that a guy disappeared on you affect your dating. There’s nothing wrong protecting your heart until you’re reasonably sure you’ll be in a relationship but it doesn’t mean you close off your heart to all men because of a few who decide to disappear. Those men aren’t relationship ready for one reason or another.

Keep in mind that if he disappears he may be doing you a favor. It gives you the opportunity to concentrate on finding a man who’s right for you.

If a guy has disappeared or ghosted on you, you might be a little hesitant to take another risk.

Things To Do To Avoid Being Ghosted:

1. Know Your Must-Haves or Non-Negotiables

Your must-haves or non-negotiables are those things you definitely want in a relationship and that will make you happy in a relationship.

They’re not superficial like the color of a guy’s hair or how tall he is. Instead they include things like compatibility, values, morals, character, and personality.

2. Be More Selective

When you know your must-haves and non-negotiables you’re more likely to choose a guy who’s seriously interested in a relationship.

You’ll be able to more quickly eliminate men who are looking for “fun” or who aren’t available.

3. Date More Than One Man

Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket. Instead, date more than one man so that if he chooses to disappear, you’ve got other men in your dating queue.

This minimizes the heart ache when someone disappears.

The thing to keep in mind, as I’ve said in the Girl Gets Great Guy System, is that when a man wants to be in a relationship or he wants to be with you he won’t disappear.

He may pull back for a while but in the long run he will want you in his life because he doesn’t want to lose you and he can’t live without you.

How To Tell He Might Stick Around Or That He’s A Keeper

There are no absolutes and there’s never any guarantee that a man won’t disappear even if you’re in a relationship.

There are some subtle signs that he might stick around. As you’ve already guessed, I say “might” because there are no guarantees in dating and relationships.

You could find someone and be in a relationship. He could tell you how attracted he is to you. He could tell you that you’re the whole package – bright, ambitious, beautiful, sexy. Even so, he could still eventually break up with you.

Here are two indications that a man might be serious about a long term relationship and a more serious commitment:

1. Consistency

He’s consistent in the things he does. He contacts you. He spends time with you. He doesn’t disappear for a week or two and then reappear.

2. He Gets Involved In Your Life

A guy who is interested in you will want to spend time with you. He will want to eventually meet your friends and family and even work colleagues.

Most importantly, though, he will want to be a big part of your life. You will be his priority, not an afterthought.

Why a guy ghosts on you or disappears on you is only the tip of the iceberg because there’s a lot more to knowing and understanding men.

If men are ghosting or disappearing on you, it very likely means you need to update and improve your dating skills.

Many of the “skills” you acquired when you were a teenager no longer apply today.

Dating has changed a lot since high school and college or university.

You’re mature. You’re independent. You’re raising – or you’ve raised – your family and the kids have flown the nest.

It’s your time now.

It’s your time to find the love of your life…your soulmate.

The man who will love, cherish, and adore you.

The man you will spend the rest of your life with.

Most of the men you come in contact with today are divorced. Many have children. Some will be single dads. Others will share custody.

Now you have to sift through men who are deadbeats, losers, commitmentphobes, players, scammers, and just plain unavailable.

While there are no guarantees in dating or relationships, there are new tools and skills you can learn to reduce the risk of a guy ghosting or disappearing on you…and having your hopes dashed and heart broken…again.

The Girl Gets Great Guy System will show you those little-known techniques and skills to help you find your Mr. Right. Take a moment to check it out right now.

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Here’s the link again for the Girl Gets Great Guy System that shows you little-known techniques and skills to help you find your Mr. Right. 

Top 7 Reasons Why Men Suddenly Vanish Or Disappear

Home why do guys disappear
“Why men vanish or disappear is one of the most frequently asked questions from women. Men disappear or vanish for a number of reasons and you have no control over that. Sometimes it’s a good thing that a man disappears – it saves a woman from heartbreak and investing time and effort into trying to create a relationship with an unavailable man.” Blaine Barrington, Dating and Relationship Coachwhite-roses

You can still remember that last date you had with him.

It was so much fun.

He was handsome.

He was gallant.

He was funny.

He complimented you and told you how sexy and crazy smart you were.

You flirted with him and teased him.

You held his hand as you walked along the beach as the sun was setting.

At the end of the date he told you how much fun he’d had.

And then he leaned in and kissed you passionately.

And as he held you after the kiss he whispered that he’d call you.

You’re on cloud nine.

Romance is in the air.

You think he’s The One.

You think about him all the time.

And then you wait for his call.

One day goes by.

Two days go by.

Three days go by.

And then you get that sinking feeling in your stomach.

And deep down you know he won’t call.

And then you start wondering what went wrong.

It was a perfect date.

You were both into each other.

You connected with him like no other.

You were both happy, laughing, and having fun.

You were enjoying each other’s company.

At least it seemed that way on the date.

Truth is something probably didn’t click for him.

It might have been something you did.

It might have been something you said that turned him off.

Maybe he didn’t like the way you kissed.

Or it might be all about him.

We’ve all been there. We’ve all had those great dates that seemed like there was something there only to find out that the other person wasn’t interested or wasn’t “feeling it.”

If you consistently can’t get past date one or two or three with men then there’s a good chance that either you’re picking the wrong men (in which case you’re probably not asking the right questions to “vet” them before you meet them) or you’re doing or saying something wrong that turns them off.

Top 7 Reasons Why Men Suddenly Vanish Or Disappear

You’ll never know why he disappeared. Some of these reasons might seem frivolous or lame. But to a man, they’re very real. And the outcome is the same: He disappears.

Here are 7 possible reasons why he disappeared:

1. He’s A Commitment-Phobe

Some guys are terrified of commitment. To them, commitment means being tied down and not being able to do the things they enjoy.

And if he’s a “player” there is no way he’ll look for anything long term.

Commitment-phobes don’t want to get involved in a relationship. And if things seem like they could get serious then they’re out of there before they get into a relationship.

2. He’s Not Available

He might be dating a number of women.

Or he might already be in a relationship.

Worse still he might be married and you’re the affair he’s having on the side.

Or he just might not be emotionally available.

He might have just separated or gotten divorced and needs time to heal before jumping back into a relationship.

He might be getting over anger. He might be getting over being hurt.

In this case you become the “rebound” girl. He’ll look to you for support, sympathy, and sex. And once he’s healed, he’ll most likely look for someone else.

Or he might still be in love with his ex. If he is still in love with his ex, instead of accepting who you are and your unique qualities, he’ll make comparisons to see how you measure up.

If he’s a widower he might still be grieving. He’s jumped back into dating because he’s looking to fill the void left after his wife passed away. In which case, he’s not really ready to date or be in a committed relationship.

He needs time to heal from his grief before he can start fresh. And that can take a year or more before he’s ready to start a new relationship.

Whichever is the case, be thankful you didn’t hear from him before things got really serious and he broke your heart.

3. He’s Not Into You

He doesn’t feel the chemistry.

He doesn’t find you attractive.

And he might have been telling you that you’re sexy and attractive so he doesn’t hurt your feelings.

In any event, he’s too polite to tell you that he doesn’t feel anything and doesn’t want to see you again.

4. He’s Looking For A Playmate

Some guys are players and they’re looking for sex.

They want a woman who is “easy” and wants to have sex without any strings attached.

He doesn’t want to take the time to get to know you or to spend time romancing you. All he wants is to have sex with you and move on.

Fortunately, you’re not that kind of girl. And had you succumbed to his charming ways and slept with him you would have regretted it.

5. You Weren’t Fun

He didn’t like your personality. He found you boring. And he’s looking for someone who is fun and who excites his imagination.

Perhaps you asked boring questions. Don’t make it a job interview or an interview for a husband. Keep things light.

Or perhaps your answers to his questions were boring. If that’s the case you might need to brush up on your flirting techniques.

If he found you boring then you weren’t compatible with each other from the beginning. And meeting him in person confirmed that.

6. You Weren’t Feminine Enough For Him

Some guys like a girly girl – a woman who dresses sexy.

If you came straight from work, you might be wearing your work clothes instead of something more feminine.

Many men want to see your feminine side. And some women – especially if they’re successful and independent – don’t know how to tone down their masculine side so that they come across as an attractive woman.

In fact, some women are so independent that they take care of things themselves and don’t give the man a chance to lead. And that’s a relationship killer.

7. You Show Your Anger And Hurt From A Previous Relationship

It takes time to get over the hurt and heart break of a previous relationship or a divorce. And if you jump into dating too soon your emotions are likely to spill over or rear their ugly head on a date.

You haven’t gone through a dating detox to rid yourself of the emotions that are still fresh on your mind.

In fact, you’re probably not ready for dating – and it’s too early to date – if that’s the case.

If your date asks you what happened in your previous relationship or why you got divorced, you might be tempted to talk about your horrible ex and how he cheated on you or left you in financial hell.

Or you might be tempted to badmouth him for leaving you and your kids when they’re so young and vulnerable.

Your bitterness, anger, and hurt are fine to dump on a close, understanding friend.

But to a potential partner? To someone who’s looking for someone who is ready for a relationship your bitterness, anger, and hurt could be enough to scare them away.

The point is, you don’t have to go into detail. You simply say you grew apart or keep it vague and use the term “irreconcilable differences.”

How To Protect Your Heart From Disappointment

No matter how good the dates were, realize that you’re not in a relationship after one or two dates.

You’re not in a relationship if you’ve been chatting and texting for weeks or months and you think you “know” him.

You’re not in a relationship if you’ve never met him in person.

You’re not in a relationship if you sleep with him – it doesn’t bond him closer to you by having sex with you.

You’re not in a relationship until you meet him and spend time together over several months.

You’re not in a relationship until you’re both exclusive – in other words, both of you are no longer dating anyone else.

Until you are in an exclusive relationship, the best way to protect your heart is to date several men.

And keep this in mind:

Rejection is all about your mindset.

Yes, it does hurt when someone rejects you.

But every time you meet a man and he “rejects” you or disappears, that’s okay. It means you don’t have to waste time with him and you’re one step closer to finding your Mr. Right.

Key Points: Why A Man Vanishes Or Disappears

1. Ask questions before meeting a man – his answers to your questions might give you clues regarding his availability and desire for a relationship.

2. Find out how long he’s been divorced or widowed or how long he’s been single. Ask him how long his past relationships have been. If they’re short relationships he could be a player or a commitment-phobe.

3. Be feminine. Don’t wear work clothes to a date. Let him take the lead. Let him do things for you.

4. Be fun. Avoid asking him questions that turn him off and make him feel like he’s in a job interview.

5. There is always a reason why a man disappears or vanishes. You might never know that reason but if it’s happening a lot you’re either not asking the right questions to “qualify” a man or you’re doing something that turns men off.

6. When he disappears or vanishes you’re one step closer to meeting Mr. Right.

If you’re…

> Frustrated with dating

> Frustrated with men pulling away

> Confused when a man doesn’t commit

…then click this link for the Girl Gets Great Guy System which shows you how to find a QUALITY man and enjoy a relationship that is loving, romantic, and passionate.

how to find mr right

GirlGetsGreatGuy.com – the site that gives dating advice to women and shows them how to find their Mr. Right – wishes to thank Margesil for the beautiful photo used in this article. Image credit: Beautiful rose image 1340448 courtesy of Margesil at freeimages.com Photo by margesil on Freeimages.com

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