“Why men vanish or disappear is one of the most frequently asked questions from women. Men disappear or vanish for a number of reasons and you have no control over that. Sometimes it’s a good thing that a man disappears – it saves a woman from heartbreak and investing time and effort into trying to create a relationship with an unavailable man.” Blaine Barrington, Dating and Relationship Coach
You can still remember that last date you had with him.
It was so much fun.
He was handsome.
He was gallant.
He was funny.
He complimented you and told you how sexy and crazy smart you were.
You flirted with him and teased him.
You held his hand as you walked along the beach as the sun was setting.
At the end of the date he told you how much fun he’d had.
And then he leaned in and kissed you passionately.
And as he held you after the kiss he whispered that he’d call you.
You’re on cloud nine.
Romance is in the air.
You think he’s The One.
You think about him all the time.
And then you wait for his call.
One day goes by.
Two days go by.
Three days go by.
And then you get that sinking feeling in your stomach.
And deep down you know he won’t call.
And then you start wondering what went wrong.
It was a perfect date.
You were both into each other.
You connected with him like no other.
You were both happy, laughing, and having fun.
You were enjoying each other’s company.
At least it seemed that way on the date.
Truth is something probably didn’t click for him.
It might have been something you did.
It might have been something you said that turned him off.
Maybe he didn’t like the way you kissed.
Or it might be all about him.
We’ve all been there. We’ve all had those great dates that seemed like there was something there only to find out that the other person wasn’t interested or wasn’t “feeling it.”
If you consistently can’t get past date one or two or three with men then there’s a good chance that either you’re picking the wrong men (in which case you’re probably not asking the right questions to “vet” them before you meet them) or you’re doing or saying something wrong that turns them off.
Top 7 Reasons Why Men Suddenly Vanish Or Disappear
You’ll never know why he disappeared. Some of these reasons might seem frivolous or lame. But to a man, they’re very real. And the outcome is the same: He disappears.
Here are 7 possible reasons why he disappeared:
1. He’s A Commitment-Phobe
Some guys are terrified of commitment. To them, commitment means being tied down and not being able to do the things they enjoy.
And if he’s a “player” there is no way he’ll look for anything long term.
Commitment-phobes don’t want to get involved in a relationship. And if things seem like they could get serious then they’re out of there before they get into a relationship.
2. He’s Not Available
He might be dating a number of women.
Or he might already be in a relationship.
Worse still he might be married and you’re the affair he’s having on the side.
Or he just might not be emotionally available.
He might have just separated or gotten divorced and needs time to heal before jumping back into a relationship.
He might be getting over anger. He might be getting over being hurt.
In this case you become the “rebound” girl. He’ll look to you for support, sympathy, and sex. And once he’s healed, he’ll most likely look for someone else.
Or he might still be in love with his ex. If he is still in love with his ex, instead of accepting who you are and your unique qualities, he’ll make comparisons to see how you measure up.
If he’s a widower he might still be grieving. He’s jumped back into dating because he’s looking to fill the void left after his wife passed away. In which case, he’s not really ready to date or be in a committed relationship.
He needs time to heal from his grief before he can start fresh. And that can take a year or more before he’s ready to start a new relationship.
Whichever is the case, be thankful you didn’t hear from him before things got really serious and he broke your heart.
3. He’s Not Into You
He doesn’t feel the chemistry.
He doesn’t find you attractive.
And he might have been telling you that you’re sexy and attractive so he doesn’t hurt your feelings.
In any event, he’s too polite to tell you that he doesn’t feel anything and doesn’t want to see you again.
4. He’s Looking For A Playmate
Some guys are players and they’re looking for sex.
They want a woman who is “easy” and wants to have sex without any strings attached.
He doesn’t want to take the time to get to know you or to spend time romancing you. All he wants is to have sex with you and move on.
Fortunately, you’re not that kind of girl. And had you succumbed to his charming ways and slept with him you would have regretted it.
5. You Weren’t Fun
He didn’t like your personality. He found you boring. And he’s looking for someone who is fun and who excites his imagination.
Perhaps you asked boring questions. Don’t make it a job interview or an interview for a husband. Keep things light.
Or perhaps your answers to his questions were boring. If that’s the case you might need to brush up on your flirting techniques.
If he found you boring then you weren’t compatible with each other from the beginning. And meeting him in person confirmed that.
6. You Weren’t Feminine Enough For Him
Some guys like a girly girl – a woman who dresses sexy.
If you came straight from work, you might be wearing your work clothes instead of something more feminine.
Many men want to see your feminine side. And some women – especially if they’re successful and independent – don’t know how to tone down their masculine side so that they come across as an attractive woman.
In fact, some women are so independent that they take care of things themselves and don’t give the man a chance to lead. And that’s a relationship killer.
7. You Show Your Anger And Hurt From A Previous Relationship
It takes time to get over the hurt and heart break of a previous relationship or a divorce. And if you jump into dating too soon your emotions are likely to spill over or rear their ugly head on a date.
You haven’t gone through a dating detox to rid yourself of the emotions that are still fresh on your mind.
In fact, you’re probably not ready for dating – and it’s too early to date – if that’s the case.
If your date asks you what happened in your previous relationship or why you got divorced, you might be tempted to talk about your horrible ex and how he cheated on you or left you in financial hell.
Or you might be tempted to badmouth him for leaving you and your kids when they’re so young and vulnerable.
Your bitterness, anger, and hurt are fine to dump on a close, understanding friend.
But to a potential partner? To someone who’s looking for someone who is ready for a relationship your bitterness, anger, and hurt could be enough to scare them away.
The point is, you don’t have to go into detail. You simply say you grew apart or keep it vague and use the term “irreconcilable differences.”
How To Protect Your Heart From Disappointment
No matter how good the dates were, realize that you’re not in a relationship after one or two dates.
You’re not in a relationship if you’ve been chatting and texting for weeks or months and you think you “know” him.
You’re not in a relationship if you’ve never met him in person.
You’re not in a relationship if you sleep with him – it doesn’t bond him closer to you by having sex with you.
You’re not in a relationship until you meet him and spend time together over several months.
You’re not in a relationship until you’re both exclusive – in other words, both of you are no longer dating anyone else.
Until you are in an exclusive relationship, the best way to protect your heart is to date several men.
And keep this in mind:
Rejection is all about your mindset.
Yes, it does hurt when someone rejects you.
But every time you meet a man and he “rejects” you or disappears, that’s okay. It means you don’t have to waste time with him and you’re one step closer to finding your Mr. Right.
Key Points: Why A Man Vanishes Or Disappears
1. Ask questions before meeting a man – his answers to your questions might give you clues regarding his availability and desire for a relationship.
2. Find out how long he’s been divorced or widowed or how long he’s been single. Ask him how long his past relationships have been. If they’re short relationships he could be a player or a commitment-phobe.
3. Be feminine. Don’t wear work clothes to a date. Let him take the lead. Let him do things for you.
4. Be fun. Avoid asking him questions that turn him off and make him feel like he’s in a job interview.
5. There is always a reason why a man disappears or vanishes. You might never know that reason but if it’s happening a lot you’re either not asking the right questions to “qualify” a man or you’re doing something that turns men off.
6. When he disappears or vanishes you’re one step closer to meeting Mr. Right.
> Frustrated with dating
> Frustrated with men pulling away
> Confused when a man doesn’t commit
…then click this link for the Girl Gets Great Guy System which shows you how to find a QUALITY man and enjoy a relationship that is loving, romantic, and passionate.
GirlGetsGreatGuy.com – the site that gives dating advice to women and shows them how to find their Mr. Right – wishes to thank C. Weber for the beautiful photo used in this article. Image credit: Beautiful rose image #1366659 courtesy of Margesil at freeimages.com