Men can be hard to read when it comes to relationships, especially if you’ve been dating for a while and want to be exclusive.
Commitment is one step up from how to keep him interested.
When you want to keep him interested in the early stages of dating it’s because you’re afraid to lose him.
Eventually, though, you’ll want to go from casual dating to exclusive dating and being sexually monogamous.
When you meet a guy you’re interested in you will invariably wonder whether he’s looking for something more than just casual dating.
He’s fun to be with. The chemistry is sizzling. The sex is off-the-charts amazing. And you feel a real connection with him.
Now you’re wondering whether it’s a casual thing or whether he wants something more, because you want a commitment from him.
But you’re not sure he wants the same thing.
Just because you’re dating each other doesn’t mean he wants to commit to you.
He may enjoy your company and have fun with you but he doesn’t want to be “tied down” and be a couple.
Most men, though, will want to be exclusive.
Guys don’t always tell you they want to commit to being exclusive with you. Instead, many times they do so by their actions.
Whether it’s “boyfriend and girlfriend,” or “couple,” or “partners,” or some other “label” the end result is the same – you’re exclusive. You’re monogamous. You do things together as a couple. And your friends and family consider you a couple.
Sometimes there won’t be “the talk” so you’ll be looking for signs he wants to commit.
There are two types of commitment:
1. Commitment to be in a relationship
This is where you want to be exclusive, not date anyone else, and be sexually monogamous.
This doesn’t mean you want him to love you forever.
It simply means you want him to love you for the time you’re together and see if things progress further to marriage.
2. Commitment to get married
This is where you want to be engaged and ultimately married to a man.
This is totally different from wanting a guy to be your boyfriend and is the next level in dating.
I’ll first focus on signs he wants to commit in a relationship and he wants something serious.
It’s obvious that when you’re looking for signs he wants to commit that you want to be exclusive with the man you’re dating. You don’t want him multi-dating and spending time with other women.
You’re interested in him or falling for him and you want to see if things progress and he’s The One.
Some couples will have “the talk” about where things are going. Usually it’s the woman who will bring things up since men are notoriously slow in making a commitment – or at least expressing their commitment.
Sometimes, especially if he’s smitten with you, a man will come right out and say he doesn’t want to date anyone but you.
Other times you’ll just fall into exclusivity without any discussion at all.
It’s wise not to automatically assume that because you’re dating one man that you’re exclusive with him.
There has to be some commitment on his part or you might be in for a surprise and discover he’s seeing other women or he doesn’t consider that you’re exclusive.
The fact that a man wants to be exclusive with you indicates he wants to get to know you better to see if you’re compatible and whether things can develop into something more.
There’s no time limit to when you should be in a committed relationship. That will depend on the circumstances and how often you see each other.
At some point, though, you’re going to ask yourself, “Where is this relationship going?” if he hasn’t made a commitment.
The Player and The Commitmentphobe
One of the things many women are wary of is being hurt by a player or commitmentphobe.
The player is charming and says all of the right things. He’s smooth. He’s fun to be with. And he usually focuses on sex as his goal.
The commitmentphobe is very similar in his tactics. You can be wined and dined and made to feel like a princess only to have your heart broken in the end.
If he moves fast and overwhelms you with attention and then loses interest in you as things become more “serious” or you show you want things to be more serious then chances are you’ve got a commitmentphobe on your hands.
Fighting and jealously can also rear their ugly head. You want a commitment and he’s not ready for one. He shows interest in other women and you feel ignored and disrespected, like you’re not a priority.
That’s why it’s important to look for signs he wants a relationship instead of a short term hookup or fling.
Signs He Wants To Commit
1. He Makes You His Priority
One of the strongest signals that he wants to commit is when you come first.
He might want to hang out with his buddies but because you’re special to him you become his priority – which is the way it should be.
When you need his help with something – whether it’s fixing your computer or picking out an outfit or moving into a new place – he’s there to give a hand.
If you always feel that you come last, then you’re not important to him because it’s easy for a man to make you his priority if he wants to commit to you.
2. He Considers Your Feelings
He tries to understand and see things from your point of view.
He considers your feelings, too.
He tries to please you. He knows what’s important to you. For example, you want to go to the family dinner and he had made arrangements to hang out with his buddies. A guy who is serious about wanting to have a relationship with you is willing to give up some things knowing it will make you happy.
That doesn’t mean that you should be selfish or act selfishly. It just means that some things are important to you and he knows it and he’s willing to compromise.
3. He Tries To Win Your Heart
He does things for you to please you.
He plans proper dates instead of suggesting you “hang out” with him or with him and his buddies.
These dates are times to have fun together and to get to know each other better.
They’re also an opportunity to see how much effort he puts into the date and how important being with you is to him.
He tries to “woo” you.
In the old days that would include serenading you.
These days it’s a little different…
He brings flowers and gifts.
He remembers your birthday.
He wants to be with you on special occasions like Thanksgiving or Christmas.
He visits your friends and family with you.
He makes time for you even when he’s crazy busy.
He doesn’t play games and he doesn’t keep you wondering whether he likes you or not – he shows you with signs of affection like holding hands or kissing you.
He becomes part of your life instead of someone you see occasionally.
He’s available to do things with you instead of taking a rain check because he thinks going out with his buddies is more important.
And you, pretty woman, will do well to thank him and show you appreciate all that he does for you if you want him to stay around and have eyes only for you.
4. He Tries To Impress You
A guy who wants to commit will want to make sure that he’s on your mind all or most of the time.
Things that other guys in your life have never done before.
In olden times he would have tried to impress you with his daring-do or exploits.
He might have been a swashbuckler or a gunslinger or fought a duel for your honor.
These days he’s a lot less adventurous, although he tries just as hard to show you how he feels about you.
That might mean he brings you breakfast in bed.
That might mean he makes a romantic dinner for you.
That might mean he takes you to a fancy and expensive restaurant.
It might mean he fixes things around the house for you.
It might mean he buys you nice gifts or flowers.
It might mean he looks hot in a t-shirt and jeans and handsome in a suit.
Most importantly though is the way he treats you. He’s attentive. He’s respectful and courteous to you and your friends. And he shows you that you’re number one in his book.
5. He Asks You About The Relationship
Men and women send out signals of interest and attraction.
But sometimes those signals can be confusing and you don’t really know where you stand with a man.
While you might be sending him signals that you’re interested in him and would like him to make a commitment, he might not pick up on those subtle (or not so subtle) signs.
Some guys are happy with the way things are. And some guys are inexperienced in dating and don’t know what signals to look for that indicate you want something more than casual dating or hanging out together.
If he wants to be with you or he’s ready to commit he’ll ask you what you think about being his girlfriend or what you think about being together and how you both get along.
He’s going to reveal how he feels about you. This is his way of having “the talk.”
Or he might say he likes you and wants you to be his girlfriend.
Or he might say that he wants more than a friendship. That’s a very strong sign he wants to commit and that he’s sexually attracted to you.
6. He Gets A Little Jealous
Jealousy isn’t always a good thing in relationships. It can go too far to the point where a man can be both demanding and controlling.
But there is such a thing as “mild” jealousy – which indicates that you mean more to him than he’s probably letting on.
It can also mean that he wants to be exclusive with you and he isn’t interested in dating other women.
When a man becomes jealous of other men it means that, in his mind, he considers you “his” and he doesn’t want other guys in the picture. He particularly doesn’t want an ex in the picture.
Truth is, no man wants competition – especially if you’re the prize and he wants you.
He might also be jealous of other people, not just other men. That can include your friends and family. He could even be jealous of your work.
If he doesn’t feel he’s seeing you enough because you’re busy or you’re hanging out with friends or family, he might get jealous that he’s not your priority.
7. He Makes Plans That Include You
He starts to see you fitting into his life and you’re a part of his life.
He’s excited to see you and wants to have a good time with you.
He starts to include you in his plans.
He no longer thinks only of himself. He’s thinking more about being a “couple.”
His plans might be special occasions like birthdays or holidays or he might arrange dates or a weekend getaway or short trips.
8. He’s A Man Of Action
He might have the gift of the gab but in the end it’s whether he follows through with his actions that really counts.
He gets things done that he promises he will do.
There is a saying that “actions speak louder than words.” In other words, a guy will do what he says he will do. If he says he will phone, he does. If he says he will arrange a date, he does. It’s a pretty good rule to follow in dating because it’s a sign of how interested a guy is in you.
When you first start dating a guy, unless you’ve been hurt badly before and you’re distrustful, you’ll probably take what he says at face value.
Over time, though, if he doesn’t follow through you’ll begin to be skeptical about what he says.
If he says he’ll phone to arrange a date and doesn’t do that or he cancels plans with a flimsy excuse, chances are this isn’t a guy who you’d want to be with anyway.
If he says something and doesn’t do it, pretty soon it becomes obvious he’s not someone whose word you can count on.
When a woman is important to a man he makes sure he follows through with what he says. He’s a man of his word and you can rely on what he says.
Occasionally he might stumble and disappoint you, but in general you know he’s dependable and when he says he will do something he will do it.
He makes sure you’re safe.
If you’re sick he takes care of you.
If you get out of work late at night he confirms you’ll have someone from work escort you to your car so you’re safe.
If your car breaks down he comes to help you or arranges for someone to help you.
These are signs a man cares about you.
If someone threatens you in some way he’s there to protect you or stand up for you.
This isn’t just about physical safety, although that’s part of making you feel safe.
It’s also about emotional safety and knowing you can rely on him.
If you have a problem he’s there to help and offer advice and try and fix things to make them right.
10. He’s Your Emotional “Rock”
He has your back. He’s there to comfort you when things go wrong in your life.
He tries to give you perspective when something is troubling you and he tries to make your life easier when you’re stressed out. He might listen to you. He might take you out on a date to distract you. He might cook for you. He might give you a massage or back rub.
They’re all indications that he’s there for you and is concerned with your well-being.
11. He’s Consistent In Calling Or Texting You
If a guy is interested in you and wants to be your boyfriend he’s going to keep in touch with you.
He’ll want to stay in touch with you either by calling you or, more likely, texting you.
If there are large gaps in when he contacts you – like a few days – or he only contacts you when he wants a “booty call” then it’s a huge red flag and it’s an indication that he’s not serious about wanting a committed relationship with you.
12. He Wants To See You A Lot
A guy who wants you as his girlfriend wants to be with you a lot.
He’s not happy just calling or texting. He wants the personal interaction in real life so you can have fun and experience things together.
In fact, spending time together is the only way you can get to know each other and determine whether you’re compatible.
13. He’s A One Woman Man
When you first meet a guy he might be multi-dating.
There’s nothing wrong with him doing that.
But as he gets to know you and you spend time together he might stop dating other women.
If he does stop dating other women and he makes a point of telling you, it’s a sign he’s making you exclusive – a sure sign he wants to commit to you.
If, from the start, he’s only dating you, then you have to look for other signs he’s looking to a commitment because just because he’s dating only you doesn’t mean he’s committed to you.
14. He Tries To Please You
Guys like to feel that they can make a woman happy.
So he’s going to do his best to make sure you’re happy if he wants to make a commitment.
Your role, on the other hand, is to show your appreciation for what he does for you.
This is very important: The more he feels appreciated and respected by you, the more likely he is to want to commit to you. (Lack of appreciation for what he does for a woman is one of the main reasons a guy will vanish or disappear.)
15. He Wants To Get To Know You Better
Some women wonder whether a guy wants to be in a serious relationship or whether he just wants to hookup or have a fling and then move on.
This is where other signs come into play. A guy who wants a hookup or something that isn’t serious is more likely to be flirtatious and talk about sex all the time.
His focus is on sex, not on getting to know you better.
A guy who wants something serious and wants to make you his girlfriend will take the time to get to know you.
He wants to be sure that you have qualities he’s looking for in a girlfriend. He won’t waste time with someone he feels he’s not compatible with.
16. He’ll Wait To Have Sex With You
Most guys are interested in having sex. If he comes on really strong or pushes for sex right from the beginning then that could indicate he only wants sex instead of a committed relationship.
The guy who pushes for sex early on is usually looking for a hookup or a fling and not a long term commitment.
Also ask about his past dating history. If he has a history of short term relationships he might be a player or a commitmentphobe.
If he’s been married or together with a woman for a long time, that could be a good sign he’s looking for a commitment rather than a fling.
The exception could be if he just broke up with his girlfriend or is newly divorced, in which case you could be the rebound girl – and that’s a huge red flag.
The guy who wants you to be his girlfriend will wait for sex.
When he waits for sex, he’s being respectful and putting you first instead of his own needs.
Just because he waits for sex (and waits until you’re ready to have sex) doesn’t mean he doesn’t desire you or want you.
Typical signs of desiring you or wanting you sexually include:
>> He flirts with you
>> He shows off his body – the six pack abs or the ripped chest or biceps
>> He kisses you a lot – he likes to cuddle but he doesn’t take it any further
>> He touches you a lot – he hugs you and he holds your hand
>> He sends you suggestive and flirty messages and alludes to sex all the time
Some women might be wondering whether the fact that he waits to have sex with you is a sign that they’ve been friend zoned and he wants only a friendship, instead of being considered as his steady girlfriend.
If you’re friend zoned there will be no or very little flirtation and very few if any sexy comments that signal sexual interest.
On the other hand, a guy who is only interested in sex with you will send out sexual signals all the time.
If he keeps getting rejected by you he will eventually move on if he sees he has no chance with you.
That doesn’t mean he might not be persistent. It just means that eventually he’ll see you’re not going to be another one of his easy conquests who melts from his flowery and seductive words and he’ll look for someone who is easier to persuade to have sex with him.
17. You Become Part Of His Life
The man who wants you as his girlfriend will include you in his life.
He will make plans with you.
He’ll introduce you to his friends and family.
He will include you in activities that he enjoys, including activities with his friends and family.
You become part of his “inner circle” – the people who are important to him in his life.
Just because there’s commitment doesn’t mean you’re compatible or that things will work out in the long run.
The hurtful side of commitment can come when you’re together.
He’s fooled you by staying together longer than he should have. You feel there is commitment from him but you discover that there really is none.
He’s no longer in love with you and just wants the sex. It’s disappointing and hurtful because you’re expending feelings, time, and energy trying to make things work and he has no intention of taking things any further. He’s only there for the sex.
If he’s not scared to do so, a man will give off signs he wants to commit or he wants to be exclusive.
One thing is for certain though: When a guy shows signs he’s willing to commit it means things are serious and he wants to be your boyfriend.
Signs He Wants To Commit To Marriage
Men are notorious for not showing commitment – especially when it comes to marriage. In fact, women are more likely to want marriage sooner than men.
The commitment to get married is an important step to a man and there are specific things that he feels he must do or accomplish before he will take that step.
Some men, for example, take their “provider role” very seriously and want to be on financially solid ground before getting married and having a family.
Subtle signs he’s ready to commit to marriage and settle down include….
>> You both share the same vision of the future together
>> You’re both compatible in many areas
>> He says (and shows you) he loves you
I cover many more subtle signs he’s ready to commit to marriage and settle down in the Girl Gets Great Guy System.
I also cover what to do if he keeps delaying in making a commitment to marriage and how to know if he’s a commitmentphobe or whether he will eventually marry.
Now that you know the signs he wants to commit and you’re in a relationship, it’s important to keep your man. It’s more than about knowing his love language or making his favorite meal.
There are specific “man keeping” techniques so he’ll adore you and cherish you. These are techniques savvy women use to keep their man after he’s made the commitment to be exclusive.
When you invest so much time and energy into wanting to be exclusive with a man, why wouldn’t you want to keep him if he’s good to you?
Discover these special techniques to keep your man here.
In the following video, Steve Harvey talks to a guest whose boyfriend won’t take the relationship to the next level – which is marriage. He explains three things a man needs before he will commit to marriage.