Why He Disappeared

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“You will encounter all types of men who seem perfect for you. Their actions will speak louder than their words.” Blaine Barrington, Dating and Relationship Coach

Have you ever met a man where you thought, “You had me at ‘hello’” – where you thought he was interesting and maybe even perfect for you?

It’s not unusual to meet a guy who at first blush seems almost too perfect to be true.

He’s good looking. He’s charming. He’s fun to be with. He’s attentive. He says all the right things a girl wants to hear.

The Perfect Date

He takes you on a date.

He wines and dines you.

The setting is romantic.

You look into each other’s eyes and smile at each other.

There seems like an unspoken message that passes between the two of you.

You might even be impulsive and grab his hand and give it a squeeze to show you like him even though you only met a few hours ago.

The date eventually comes to an end.

You hug him.

You give him a little kiss.

As he is leaving he says, “I’ll call you.”

And you’re thrilled to hear him say those three words.

To you, they promise a future with a great guy.

You go home and dream about him.

You replay the date over and over again.

You fantasize about what your future would look like with him.

It’s like having a teenage crush on the boy at school.

The Waiting Game – It’s Part Of Dating

And now you wait to hear from this new man in your life.

A day passes.

“He must be busy,” you think.

You might even start cancelling plans you had with friends for fear of missing his phone call or not being available to see him.

Then two days go by.

“I wonder why I haven’t heard from him?” you say to yourself as that little panicky feeling starts to set in.

On the third day you begin to come to the realization that he might not phone you.

Finally a week has gone by.

No phone call.

No email.

No text messages.


With a sinking feeling you now realize you aren’t going to hear from him again.

And then you get discouraged…and sad.

And you start questioning yourself.

Here you thought you were attractive and fun to be with (which you are) and he had a good time with you and he doesn’t phone you even though he promised he would.

Are You Looking For Answers When He Doesn’t Call?

By this time you’re not replaying the date so much as you’re looking for answers why he didn’t phone you.

> Did you do something wrong that turned him off?

> Did he really like you or was he only pretending to like you?

> Why would he say he’d call if he had no intention to do so?

> Should you wait to hear from him before you look for someone else?

And you might be thinking things like…

> Why does this always happen to me?

> I’m going to give up on dating.

These are the things that probably go through your mind after going on a great date and being disappointed when the guy doesn’t phone you.

Why He Didn’t Call You

Let’s examine what happened and what you can do about it.

First, you will never know what really happened.

He might have had cold feet or not felt any chemistry.

He might have had second thoughts about wanting to date you or about even being in a relationship.

He might have been turned off by things you said or did.

He might have found someone else he was interested in.

He might have been married or in a relationship.

He might have had a situation – family or work – come up that meant he couldn’t phone you when he planned to. And then he got embarrassed that so much time had passed and was afraid to phone you. Because in his experience he’ll get a cold reception and be made to feel like a jerk for taking so long to phone.

Do you see how the possible explanations can go on and on?

He might have genuinely liked you and in the moment he promised to call you.

Or…which is just as likely, he said, “I’ll call you” as a way of parting so things wouldn’t be awkward.

It could be his way of saying he’s not interested without coming out and saying those exact words and hurting you.

After all, “I’ll call you” is totally different from “Are you free on Saturday night?” or “I’d like to see you again. When are you free?”

In fact, if a guy does say to you, “I’ll call you” take it with a grain of salt and start onto the next guy in your dating funnel. Because chances are he won’t phone. If he does, that’s great. If he doesn’t it’s no big deal.

Did You Do Something That Turned Him Off?

Maybe you did do or say something that turned him off.

Maybe you revealed too much information to him about your abusive ex or about your health or about your sex life or about your sad childhood or how you don’t speak to your siblings or to your grown up children.

Maybe you didn’t want to appear needy so you told him you’re independent and you don’t really need a man in your life.

Maybe you have four cats and he’s allergic to cats.

Maybe you didn’t dress appropriately and tried to squeeze into an outfit that wasn’t very flattering.

If you did turn him off somehow, you will never know…unless, of course, you already know that you said or did something that you wish you hadn’t (and you’re mentally kicking yourself for doing it).

What you need to realize is that when you first meet a guy, you shouldn’t – and definitely don’t – commit with all of your heart.

It’s not love at first sight.

You don’t know this guy.

Even if you’ve traded emails and phone calls and text messages for weeks before you meet, you still don’t know who he is.

And what’s happened is that you’ve invested your feelings in one guy who you don’t know anything about in real life.

Your first meetings and dates are where you find out if you like him.

This is the discovery period where you get to know him.

It’s not the time where you commit to him.

Remember, relationships take time – even if you have been emailing and chatting before you met.

You’re not in an instant relationship just because he’s no longer someone you talk to “online” and you’ve now met him in person.

How To Approach Dating

This is where men approach dating a little differently that women.

Men go on a date thinking, “Let’s see if she’s nice and whether I like her.”

Women go on a date thinking, “I wonder if he’s The One.”

Do you see how very different those two ways of thinking are?

Men can shrug off disappointment easier with their expectation. Women, on the other hand, set themselves up for hurt – especially when they pin all of their hopes and dreams on one guy.

In the meantime, you’ve been putting off meeting other guys.

And, instead, you’ve been caught up in self doubt and hurt because this one date that you pinned everything on didn’t work out.

Avoid Doing This When Dating

What do you do to avoid this in the future?

First, you change your expectations.

Your expectations should be to get to know the guy to see if he’s boyfriend material.

Secondly, you avoid concentrating all of your efforts on one guy.

Have a couple of other guys in the background and get to know them too.

Don’t pin all of your hopes on one guy only to discover he’s not the one for you.

Yes, he looked promising.

But in reality you knew nothing about the guy in real life.

And it doesn’t matter what he’s told you in emails or phone calls, you really don’t know this man until you’re with him and you talk to him and you spend time with him and get to know him.

I realize how hard this is for many women. (It happens to guys too.)

It’s especially difficult if there aren’t a lot of good prospects out there.

If you “met” online, then chances are you revealed things to him that you haven’t told other people.

You might be a little embarrassed about what you said to him.

You might have even flirted a little with him and said racy things and gotten a little carried away.

How To Shield Yourself From Dating Disappointment

There’s only one way to shield yourself from major disappointment and hurt.

And that’s to not concentrate on just one guy.

As the saying goes, have more than one iron in the fire.

That’s not cheating or being unfaithful.

You’re not in an exclusive relationship with this guy.

He hasn’t committed to you and you haven’t committed to him.

If one guy doesn’t work out, so what?

You explore things with the next guy.

And the next.

Until you find the guy who’s right for you.

Be smart about dating.

Be brave.

Stay strong.

And stay the course.

Because you will find your Mr. Right.

Click here to increase your chances of finding YOUR Mr. Right or Soulmate.


GirlGetsGreatGuy.com – the site that gives dating advice to women and shows them how to find their Mr. Right – wishes to thank Kirkman for the beautiful photo used in this article. Image credit: White roses photo by kirkman on freeimages.com

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