Many women find that they are in a committed relationship for years and then they break up.
They wonder what they did wrong when it looked so promising at the beginning of the relationship.
One reason for the eventual breakup is that you might be dating the wrong guy(s) because….
…you’re not qualifying them.
That is the one thing you can do that can save you not only wasted years of being in an unfulfilling relationship but also heartache.
Sometimes you’re overlooking important things that you want from a relationship because you’re attracted to the guy and he makes you happy.
You might have known that you weren’t completely compatible right from the start but ignored it or thought that he’d “change” after he was with you.
That’s a perfectly natural thing to do.
When I talk about “wrong” guys that doesn’t necessarily mean they were “wrong” in the beginning.
Sometimes things change and you have no control over them.
What your guy wanted when he first met you changes over time as the relationship progresses and matures.
Here’s an example:
You meet a great guy. There’s chemistry. There’s romance.
You talk about what you both want from a relationship and you’re both in agreement.
Then, over time, he changes his mind.
Perhaps at first, for example, he wanted children like you did. But as time goes on he decides he doesn’t want children.
But you still do.
In that situation, if you really do want children then you’re no longer compatible.
Do you know what good salespeople do when they talk to a prospect or customer?
They qualify them.
They ask questions to see whether their prospects and customers would be suitable candidates for what they’re selling.
Or they find out what their prospect or customer wants so they can deliver the goods to them.
If you’ve ever bought real estate or you’ve watched shows on TV like Property Brothers you’ll know what I mean.
In Property Brothers, Drew, the real estate expert, finds out what prospective buyers are looking for and then goes out and looks for fixer upper properties that can be upgraded to have many or all of the features the prospective buyers want. Of course, he also knows what the buyers’ budget is so he can scout for suitable properties.
Traditional realtors do the same thing only they usually look for properties that already have most of the features the buyers want.
This technique – qualifying buyers – isn’t just limited to realtors.
Professional salespeople qualify their buyers all the time and a true professional will make it sound conversational instead of peppering his or her prospect or customer with question after question.
Your List of Relationship Non-Negotiables
Qualifying a guy means you should have a list of your non-negotiables.
Non-negotiables are those things you MUST have in a relationship.
They are what I call your “Must Haves.”
Keep that list to no more than 5 of the most important things you want out of a relationship.
Order them in importance if you want to – from most important to least important.
Remember, the longer the list of non-negotiables the harder it will be to find the guy who can satisfy ALL of your requirements.
And don’t be tied down to that list of non-negotiables.
If the man you meet has most of the things that you want in a relationship, you might be perfectly happy with that especially if your must haves are listed in importance.
Your list of non-negotiables can include such things as: a man who wants children, a man who is kind, a man who is romantic, a man who is funny, a man with similar beliefs or values, and a man who is generous.
These non-negotiables are what qualifies a guy as boyfriend material or husband potential.
How To Qualify Your Man
How do you find out if he “qualifies?”
You ask him questions and get his thoughts on things that are important to you.
I’m not suggesting you do this on the first date or two.
But in time you and your man will talk about things that are important to you both.
You might discuss having children.
You might discuss where you want to live.
You might discuss career plans.
You might discuss owning a home.
You might discuss wanting to travel.
You might discuss your dreams and hopes and plans for the future.
Also keep in mind that your relationship should be progressing towards what you want – whether it’s exclusivity or marriage.
If the guy you’re with doesn’t want children (and you do) or he doesn’t want to date exclusively (and you do) or he doesn’t want to get married (and you do) then you’re not compatible and you’re wasting your time with him.
And you have to decide whether you should stay together or break up so that you can each find someone who is more compatible.
Even when you qualify a guy, there’s no certainty that things will work out.
People’s circumstances do change and sometimes it’s beyond their control.
But at least you know there’s a better chance of compatibility and a future together if you know early on in the relationship that you both want the same thing.
Blaine Barrington is a Dating and Relationship coach who helps single women find their Mr. Right. He’s the author of the Girl Gets Great Guy System – The System That Cracks The “Guy Code” And Helps You Find The Man Of Your Dreams.
The Girl Gets Great Guy System is for the woman who has experienced any of the following:
– Is longing for a loving relationship
– Has had her heart broken too many times
– Intimidates men without meaning to
– Always seems to pick losers and deadbeats
– Wants to have more dates with quality men
Download Blaine’s FREE Special Report, 7 Best Places To Find Mr. Right, his exclusive list of places where great guys hang out.
GirlGetsGreatGuy.com – the site that gives dating advice to women and shows them how to find their Mr. Right – wishes to thank Lynn Cummings for the beautiful photo used in this article. Image credit: Have A Heart 2 (c) Lynn Cummings Image #22735 freeimages.com