How To Respond If A Guy Phones You A Week Or Two After A Great First Date

how to inspire your man to adore you“Your attitude can make or break a promising relationship. In this dating advice for women article I explain your choices if a man doesn’t phone you shortly after going on a great date with you.” Blaine Barrington, Dating and Relationship Coach.

What Every Woman Should Know About A Guy Who Doesn’t Phone After A Great Date

There are several reasons why a man doesn’t phone you after having a great first or second date with you.

If he does call a week or more after a great date then how you respond to him will determine whether there is potential for a relationship or not.

I’m going to give you ideas on how to react so you don’t blow your chances of missing out on a great guy.

When you meet a great guy and you’ve had a great first (or second) date you get your hopes up.

He seems to have many of the qualities you’re looking for in a guy. He’s attractive. He’s funny and personable. He’s interesting.

You think there’s a chance of a relationship and he might even be The One.

You’re willing to make him a priority and put most of your other activities on hold to get to know him better to see if things will develop.

Trouble is, you don’t know what he’s thinking. He may still be processing the date and trying to decide whether he wants to pursue things with you.

He might want to pursue things with you but his job (or other activity) takes precedence and time gets away from him.

And even if you think he could have picked up the phone or texted you or emailed you, some guys just don’t think that way. They put things off and before you know it a week or more has gone by.

You have to remember that with the first few dates – and until you’re in an exclusive relationship with him – you are NOT his number one priority unless he has virtually no life to speak of…or unless he is totally head-over-heels in love with you and completely infatuated with you (in which case he’d be contacting you a lot).

The first few weeks and even months are the “getting to know you” stage. Things are casual. And until things become more serious, you should assume he’s dating other women.

In the meantime, he has work. He has his friends. He has his activities and hobbies. He might even have a pet like a dog that comes before you (I’m sorry to say that, but that’s reality, because to some guys their dog is their best buddy and gets tons of attention.)

So you have to accept that you’re not a priority in his life (at least not right now) – you’re still someone he’s getting to know.

Admittedly, if he contacts you a week or two after a date, he’s either not showing much interest or he’s not very considerate or he’s inexperienced in dating.

But it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not attracted to you and doesn’t want to get to know you better.

Why He May Not Have Contacted You

It can be really confusing and frustrating can’t it? You go on a great date with a guy. You think there’s potential for something more and then you don’t hear from him. Or he promises to phone and then you don’t hear from him.

And a week or so later he resurfaces. It’s the classic “submarine syndrome” used by some guys.

There are at least six possible reasons why he hasn’t contacted you after a great date. Your difficulty is trying to determine what the REAL reason is.

1. He’s a lazy dater and wants you to contact him. This is a red flag. Don’t chase him. He’s the man and he should be chasing you. He could be egotistical and think he’s God’s gift to women and women should chase him. Or he could be lazy and doesn’t want to do the work that’s required to get to know you. Or he could be shy and be nervous about contacting you.

You have to decide which of these options applies to him. You should be able to tell that from your interaction with him on the date. How did he act? Was he outgoing? Did he drop hints that he went on lots of dates or lots of women were interested in him? Did he seem hesitant and shy? Or did he seem nonchalant or laid back to the point where he had a take it or leave it attitude and didn’t seem that interested unless you did all of the work?

2. He didn’t feel chemistry or a spark on the date and decides not to pursue you. (There’s nothing you can do in this situation and it’s best to move on)

Sometimes a guy will say that he had a great time with you but in truth he didn’t feel any connection and while he thought you were nice he really doesn’t want to pursue a relationship with you.

If there’s chemistry and a spark initially chances are he’s going to be into you. He’s going to be flirting and having fun and making sure you have fun. And, if he’s on the ball, he’s going to tell you he’s interested in you and he’d like to see you again.

3. You said or did something that turned him off. (Again, there’s nothing you can do so you might as well look for another guy)

You probably won’t know if you did this or what you did to turn him off, but if you’re not getting a lot of second or third dates that could be a clue you’re doing something wrong.

4. There is a legitimate reason why he hasn’t called.

An emergency or crazy work schedule or time conflict fall into this category.

Although rare, sometimes there are legitimate reasons why a guy hasn’t called. Be open to the idea that this might be one of those times.

Keep this in mind: A great date – and a promising relationship – can turn into a disaster depending on how you respond to him if he does contact you a week or two after the date.

5. You’re not right for him.

Sometimes you can have a great first or second date with a guy but things fizzle out. This happens because after the date he’s thinking about things. He’s future projecting a bit. He’s trying to figure out what it would be like to have you in his life.

Maybe you’re sociable and he’s not. Maybe you like to hang with friends and family and he doesn’t. Maybe you like adventure and you like to travel and he doesn’t.

He thinks of these things and they determine whether he thinks a relationship with you is worth pursuing. If, for some reason, he doesn’t feel you’re compatible with each other he’s not going to contact you.

Keep in mind that a guy doesn’t like drama. It’s easier to fade away quietly than to come right out and say that he doesn’t think things will work out.

6. The timing is wrong 

You go on a few great dates with him and you get to know him. During those dates you discover things about each other.

It might have to do with future plans. It might have to do with where you both are in your life or careers. You might be planning on a major life change. Or he might have plans to travel or go to college or university or move to another town.

The potential for a relationship might be there but the circumstances just don’t work out. You’re at different stages in your lives and your lives wouldn’t mesh into a long term relationship.

3 Choices You Face If He Takes His Time To Phone You

You have three main choices if a man you’ve just dated doesn’t phone you within a day or two after a great date:

1. You can give him a piece of your mind, show him how angry you are, and blow him off. (Definitely a mood killer and a great way to ruin any chance of a relationship)

This is usually the reaction most women will have. They had their hopes pinned on this guy and he dashes those hopes away in an instant by appearing disinterested and taking his time to call again.

Maybe he’s playing it cool and doesn’t want to appear too eager.

Maybe he’s inexperienced with dating.

Or maybe he’s not that into you.

Getting your hopes up too much and too early is especially true with online dating – you develop a rapport with a guy, seem to be getting along well, message each other frequently so that it becomes an established routine, and then he disappears for a few days or his communication with you becomes intermittent.

You begin to wonder what’s up…and you get angry with him for “standing you up.”

2. You can ignore his call and not return his calls. (It’s a surefire way to get over him and move onto the next guy if you’re absolutely certain you don’t want to get to know him better.)

This usually signifies that you’re angry at the guy and don’t want anything more to do with him.

If that’s the case, it’s time to move on and look for another guy.

3. You can cut him some slack and pursue things with him to see where they lead. (Best choice if you’re interested in him.)

Sometimes it turns out that it’s worth giving a guy a second chance. Keep in mind that there may be a very valid reason why he took so long to get back to you – it could be work related. Or he could have been sick, or his children could have been sick.

How would you feel, for example, if you got angry with him and gave him a piece of your mind when in fact his father was gravely ill and he had to make an emergency trip to see his father?

Or what if he’s a medical student who’s on call at all hours of the day and night and when he’s free you’re not?

You have to show understanding about his circumstances. It’s not about making excuses for him, it’s about taking a step back and seeing things through his eyes.

Until you know the facts, don’t assume that he isn’t interested. Sure, maybe he is a lazy dater. If that’s the case then at some point you’ll have to politely tell him how you like to be treated…or look for another guy.

But don’t write him off completely – at least not yet – if you’re interested in him.

If the guy is a decent guy, you’re attracted to him, and it’s worth pursuing to see if he has signs he has boyfriend potential then when he phones be sweet and keep things light and fun.

What Most Guys Expect

Most guys expect that they will be chastised if they don’t phone soon after a date. If he does phone you and you cut him some slack and show him you welcome the opportunity to get to know him better you will stand out from the majority of other women.

If you chastise him, get angry with him, argue with him, try and teach him manners, or make him feel bad for taking so long to contact you after the date, then you won’t get a second chance with him.

If you are cold towards him and start playing games or you are not understanding, then you’ve lost him. He definitely won’t pursue you.

Of course, he might be the type of guy who has you “in reserve.” In this situation, he dates other women to see if there is a connection with them.

You’re his “alternate choice” if things don’t work out with another woman. While this might not be very flattering to you, it may turn out to be to your benefit in the long run if he chooses you over other women. After all, we all choose one person over another when we decide to be in an exclusive relationship. And at this point, he’s not in a committed relationship with you so he’s free to date other women, just as you’re free to date other men.

Next time a great guy doesn’t phone you a day or two after a wonderful date and leaves you cooling your heels for a while, consider whether you want to get to know him or not.

If you do, keep it light and upbeat when he phones and see if a relationship develops. (But the next time you meet, let him know in a nice way how you prefer to be treated in the future without him thinking you’ve been sitting by the phone waiting for him to call – which is a no-no.)

The key is not to jump to conclusions until you know the facts because sometimes your assumptions can be incorrect.

If he doesn’t phone you then move on unless you decide to take the initiative to contact him…and find out once and for all whether he’s interested in spending time with you. (Be prepared for him to tell you he’s not interested. And if you do phone him and you get a cool (as in disinterested) “Oh, hi” from him, chances are he’s not that into you.)

In fact, there’s nothing wrong in taking the initiative. It’s not “chasing” him like many people think. It’s showing interest and then letting him take the lead and show you how he feels about you.

If he’s not interested in you, it’s okay to be disappointed. But it’s not the end of the world. In fact, he’s done you a favor – you can now concentrate on finding your Mr. Right – someone who will move Heaven and Earth to be with you and show you he adores you.

How To Avoid Guessing Whether He’s
“The One” And Mr. Right For You

Chances are, if he hasn’t phoned or texted you within a day or two after going on a great first or second date, he’s not into you as much as you’re into him.

After all, a guy who is interested in you will go to great lengths and crawl a mile over broken glass to see you again – unless there’s a valid reason he couldn’t text or call.

You see, when a guy is interested in you he’s going to romance you and woo you.

He’s going to be hot for you.

Because he’s attracted to you.

If he doesn’t text, call, or romance you, then he’s probably not the guy for you because there are a lot of men out there who are single and available who still romance women and show their interest in her.

He has to show his interest, even if it’s with just a text.

It shouldn’t be just one text, either.

It should be continued contact to show that he wants to be on your mind all the time.

A guy who wants to be romantically involved with you will usually do romantic things.

He might write poems.

Or he might send you romantic texts.

Or he might flirt with you.

Or he might buy you flowers.

He might take you on a romantic date.

These are all signs a man is interested in you.

If you’re getting a different vibe – and he’s only interested in a one night stand or a booty call – then he’s a pass.

He’s not interested in a relationship with you. And you won’t change his mind by sleeping with him.

That’s when you need to try something different and attract a man who’s looking for a wonderful woman like you and wants to be in a long term relationship.

There’s no point in hanging around waiting for love to happen, sitting by the phone waiting for a guy to call, and passing up opportunities with other men, wishing and hoping this one guy you went on a great date with – who hasn’t shown enough interest in you – will come around, change his mind, and want to be in a relationship with you.

If you’re ready for love and you want a great man in your life, you have to take the initiative and look for a man who will love, cherish, appreciate and adore you.

This isn’t about “rules.”

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About Dating Advice For Women - Blaine Barrington

Blaine Barrington is a Dating and Relationship coach. He's the author of the Girl Gets Great Guy System - the System that cracks the "Guy Code" and shows women how to find their Mr. Right and How To Inspire Your Man To Love, Cherish, Appreciate and Adore You. Blaine writes dating and relationship articles and provides powerful and effective relationship and dating advice for women. He shows single women who are ready for love how to meet quality men offline and through online dating.

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